归来了，我终于归来了，金门。 我最亲爱的金门, 展开你的怀抱，让我伏在你底温柔的胸膛上喘息, 让我轻抚你那慈爱的面庞，让我狂吻着你底双頬。 是的金门， 我终于要投回到你底膝上了。
我独倚在栏杆上，望着那晨曦的白雾。 我看不见什么，我细心听着那熟悉的船笛声，我知道船进金门港了。 你揭开了面纱，在光明灿烂辉照中，我看见你的一切。 你没有变，变的是我自己。 你没有老，老的是你底女儿的孤魂。 你的新生，你的活泼，你的美容，为何我当年要在深夜中向你诀别，为何我要卸放这华丽的艳装，换上那人类污秽的战袍。 我紧握着自己的双手，让无名的眼泪耳边淌流。 金门，我底母亲，为何你要让你底女孩他去。 我已满睹过创夷的都市和毁烂的乡村，我已看够那泥肉的死尸，黑红的人血。 我也受过血手的紧握，我也受过屠刀的创伤。 为了那些痛苦的人类，我号叫，疾呼，呐喊，流浪 。 。 。 。 。 也流过点弱者的眼泪。 每日都把空虚当饭吃，愤怒当气吸。 现在我带回一个残废的身体，破碎的心，创伤的灵魂，回到你底温暖的怀里求休养。
你的房屋矮了，我更爱它。 你的儿女多了，我更爱他们。 他们在欢叫，微笑，我回来了。 金门，我底母亲，答应我，不再把我放走。
遗忘了那古国，脱离了那古气，换上你赐的新生短衣，幸福的旗袍。 我爱你底自由，我爱你底温暖。 那么，建筑你底快乐的坟墓，竖起自由的碑铭，长出幸福的野草，我就躺上来——死去。
金门，我底母亲，不要再把我放走。
五年前那一天，我这样写过。 五年后的今天我却拿起箭，张开强弓，对准乌黑的心房，预备把她——金门——射死。 一再束起行装，卸下高跟鞋，脱去华丽的服装，除掉一切的首饰和手饰。 望着乌黑和烽火一边，回头看看倒下来的她，我的眼泪流在肩上, 转头望望前面的一切，流在面庞上的却是别一种眼泪。 金门——我现在不知怎样称呼你——你骗了我。 我被迫着又要他走。
* * *
尾声
霓虹灯是你的夜裳
酒精是你的香水
金门—— 你是多么美
我洒下了最后一滴泪
忍痛而去
如今再归来
重入你的怀抱
接受你的衣裳的迷目
在你的香水芬中沈醉
忘记一切痛苦悲哀
祇愿永不与你别去
如今酒精失去效力
麻木的神经已经苏醒
霓虹灯失去光芒
因为天色已开始黎明
I have returned, I have finally returned, Golden Gate! My beloved Golden Gate! Open your embrace and let me prostrate in your soft bosom and catch my breath. Let me lightly touch your affectionate face, and let me passionately kiss your cheeks. Yes, Golden Gate. I finally throw myself back into your laps.
Alone I lean on the railing, looking at the white fog of dawn. I can’t see anything, but I attentively listen to that familiar sound of steam whistles. I know the ship is entering into the Golden Gate harbor. You lift your veil, and I see all of you in the brilliance of light. You have not changed. What had changed was myself. You have not grown old. What had grown old was your daughter’s lonely soul. With your new life, your vivacity, your beauty, why did I say goodbye to you in the dark night of that year? Why did I shed away this gorgeous clothing and put on that filthy uniform of human warfare? I hold tight to my hands and let the indefinable tears freely flow down my ears. Golden Gate, my mother. Why did you let your daughter go away? I have seen the traumatized cities and devastated villages. I have seen enough rotten corpses and darkened human bloods. I have been tightly gripped by bloody hands, and I have been wounded by slaughtering knives. For the sake of all humanity in pain, I roared, screamed, cried out, and I wandered . . . . I have also shed tears of the helpless. I have taken emptiness as my daily meal and the vehemence as my breaths. Now I am bringing back a crippled body, a broken heart, and a wounded soul, and I return to your warm bosom to search for rest and nurture.
Your houses seem shorter, and I love them more. Your children have increased, and I love them more. They are cheering and smiling. I have returned, Golden Gate, my mother. Promise me that you will not let me go away again.
I want to forget that old country and separate it from that ancient custom, so I put on your gift of new life — a modern short dress, the blessed Chinese Qipao dress. I love your freedom. I love your warmth. So go build your happy tomb, erect a monument of freedom, and grow blissful wild grass. Then, I will lie on it —— and die. Golden Gate, my mother, don’t let me go away again.
This was what I wrote on that day five years ago. Yet on this day five years later, I take up an arrow and pull on the strong bow. I aim right into the dark heart and prepare to kill her —— Golden Gate. I will once again put on my traveling clothes, get rid of my high heels, strip away my beautiful clothes and take off all my jewelry. I look at the dark black beacon on one side, and turn my head to see her falling. My tears run down my shoulder. I turn my head and look at everything in front. The tears flowing down my cheeks are of a different kind. Golden Gate —— I don’t know how to address you now —— You have deceived me. I am forced to go away again.
***
Epilogue
The neon lights are your evening gowns
alcohol is your perfume
Golden Gate——how beautiful you are
I shed down my last tear
bearing the pain I go
And now I have returned
to re-enter your embrace
to be mesmerized by your clothing
to be drunk in the fragrance of your perfume
to forget all sufferings and sorrows
to wish I will never again part with you
And now alcohol has lost its effect
the numb nerves have awakened
the neon lights have lost radiance
for the sky is becoming dawn