"First Round"
我把电话机挂上，准备回到厅里继续阅读报纸，好让妻把碗箸洗净后就去标的家里打牌。 还没有坐好，一阵死沉沉的音乐渐渐地响起来。 我把眉头一皱，直觉地快步走过去把收音机扭息了。 回来坐下读报时，却见着妻还不到厨房中去洗碗箸。
过了一会，偶然抬头一望，妻还是站在那边不动，而且两手搓腰，严肃地注视着我—— 相信在我没有留意的时候，她这样站着已经很久了。 她这样的姿势我是从未见过的。
“怎么？” 我奇怪起来，因为她的面色并不平常，好像有点怒意似的，虽然妻日中在杂货店帮忙我，晚上又要回家打扫烹调。但是她从来没有怨尤，今晚也决不会是为了这些。
“你喜欢什么就干什么，全不顾及别人的死活。” 妻好像燃着爆竹一样，把我的耳朵震得几乎要嗡嗡发响。 她深深地吸了一口气后，又狠狠地说出让我所莫名其妙的话来： “你满以为世界上就只有你自己一个人，以为你所接触的一切都是属于你的。 为什么你没想到别人和你一样，都有着自己个人的 。。。。”
“杀鸭！” 我喝斥起来。
妻把身转向一旁，头像折了颈骨般垂下。 我注意着她每一点小举动，尽力揣想她为什么会向我发出这一次的脾气。 从她的侧面我看见她坚决地咬着下唇， 头慢慢地抬起来，注视着她上船后不久我们合影的照像。
我和妻是在重庆认识的，当时我服役于美军。 有一天晚上，被朋友强拉去听马思聪音乐演奏。 本来我最讨厌那些古典音乐的，不过朋友答应介绍女友，故此也甘愿活活地去受苦。 可是出乎预料之外，我却能够和妻认识。 她注神地望着台上那些无兴趣的家伙，我尽只望着她。
战后我回到美国，第一件事就是办理她来美，我们已经在重庆结了婚了。 妻有着中国女人所有的美德，我认为胜过这里的土生女。 她并不是不懂交际的乡村姑娘，她的学问比我高，但是她从来都不坚执，无时不体贴我，安慰我，帮忙我，爱我。 我爱她和她爱我一样的强烈，我以为我们的婚姻的是非常美满的。
“我连听收音机这点自由也没有，” 妻终于自言自语地说出她心中的抑制，使我憬然大悟起来。 原来她是为了这点小小的事而闹的。 这不能不使我笑了起来。
“我还道是为了什么天大的事情，原来不过是这样，这些死人的音乐有什么好听呢？”
她转过面来带着发火的眼睛说： “每一个人都有他自己的生活习惯，我尊重别人的，也希望别人尊重我的。 在我们相处的时候，当然含有许多不同之点，这些不同处不是容易放弃或改变的。 因为我们是这样长成的，也就是这样分别你之为你，我之为我。 只要这些习惯无害，亦不妨碍他人，大家就要设法容忍和谅解。 我爱听古典音乐，你是知道的，而且在婚前知道的。”
“好了，好了，你要听就扭开收音机吧，何苦要教训个不停呢？” 看见她无所动作，我又继续说：“要是不听，快些洗了碗箸，我答应和你去标的家里打牌。”
“我不去！”
“不去就不去了。“ 我真想不到女人如此小气，一点这样小的事情也要闹个不停——天下的女人都是一样的。
”如果你不舒服就上床睡吧，苦站着在那里干吗？ 从来都没有见过你这个样子。 今晚还闹不够吗？” 我确也有点火起了。 天下相信再没有比顽固的女人更可怕的了。
“够了？ 当然不够！ 自从我跟了你之后，我一切的自由就丧失了。 我只成了你的附属品。”
这使我非常难受，一把无名火起。 “既然你没有自由，做我的附属品，为什么不离开这里？ 为什么不找一个知音人去？ 我给你以无限的自由。”
她哭了。 我们有两天的时间，不曾交谈。
I hung up the phone, preparing to go to the living room to continue reading my newspaper, while waiting for Wife to finish washing dishes before going to Bill’s place to play cards. Before I even settle into the chair, I hear a wave of lifeless music gradually turning louder. With a frown I instinctively and quickly walk over to turn off the radio. When I return and sit down to read my paper, I see Wife has not yet gone to the kitchen to wash dishes.
After a little while, I look up aimlessly and see Wife is still standing there motionless. Moreover, she has both hands on her hips, solemnly staring at me. I believe she has stood in this way for quite a long time while I was not paying attention. I have never seen her in this poster before.
“Why?” I am surprised because this is not her usual facial expression which seems to be somewhat angry. Although Wife helps me in the grocery store during the day and does house-cleaning and cooking in the evening after returning home, she has never complained before. It would not be about these things tonight. “You do what you like and never pay attention to other’s life or death.” Suddenly Wife is like a lit firecracker shocking my ears to near buzzing. After taking a deep breath, she then bursts out words that baffle me: “You totally think you are the only one in this world, and consider all that you encounter is yours. Haven’t you thought that others are just like you, they have their own individual ….”
“Shut up!” I shout loudly.
Wife shifts her body to the side, dropping her head like her neck is broken. I am paying attention to every bit of her movement and trying hard to speculate why she lost her temper towards me this time. From her sideview I can see she is firmly biting on her lower lip; her head slowly raised, staring at our photo that was taken not long after she arrived here by ship.
Wife and I met in Chungking at the time I was serving in the American army. One night, a friend dragged me to Ma Sicong’s music concert. I have always disliked classical music, but my friend promised to introduce a girlfriend to me, so I was willing to suffer through it. To my surprise, though, I was able to meet Wife. She was watching attentively at those uninteresting people on the stage, and I was only looking at her.
I returned to America after the war ended, and the first thing for me to do was arrange for her to come to America since we have already married in Chungking. Wife has all the virtues of a traditional Chinese lady; I believe she is better than the native-born girls here. She is not a country girl who doesn’t know about socialization. Her education is higher than mine, but she never insists on her point of view. There isn’t a time that she does not consider me, comfort me, help me and love me. I love her as strongly as she loves me, and I regard our marriage as very satisfactory. “I don’t even have the freedom to listen to the radio.” As if talking to herself, Wife finally speaks out what has been suppressed in her heart. Her words give me a rude awakening. It turns out she is putting on a tantrum just for such minor things. I could not help myself laughing out loud.
“And I thought it was some severe matter. It turns out just for this. What is so entertaining in this music for the dead?”
She turns her face towards me with firing eyes and says, “Everybody has her own habits in life. I respect others, and hope others will respect me. When we are together we naturally have many differences. These differences are not easy to discard or to change because we are raised that way. These are also what differentiate you as you and I as I. As long as this habit is not harmful nor obstructive to others, we should try to tolerate and understand. You do know that I love listening to classical music; you knew it before our marriage.”
“Alright, alright, if you want to listen then just turn on the radio. Why bother with this endless lecture?” Seeing her without any motion, I continue, “If you don’t want to listen, then hurry and finish up the dishes. I have promised that you and I will go to Bill’s house to play cards.”
“I am not going!”
“Don’t want to go then don’t.” I really can’t believe women are so petty. Just such a little matter and she would throw this tantrum - all women are the same in this world!
She still does not move even a bit, standing there like a statue.
“If you don’t feel well just go to bed. Why keep on standing there? I have never seen you this way. Haven’t you made enough trouble tonight?” I really have started to get mad too. I believe there is nothing in this world more frightening than a stubborn woman.
“Enough? Certainly not! Since I have been with you I’ve lost all my freedom. I have become just your appendant.”
Her words are hard to take - an unknown rage arises in me. “Since you don’t have any freedom and that you are just my appendant, why don’t you leave here and find a dear friend who shares your interests? I will give you unlimited freedom.”
She cried. It has been two days since we exchanged words.