"Elder Auntie" - 1975
小时候我最喜欢妈带我到大姨妈的家里去玩，因为大姨妈的屋子很大，比我们的大出好几倍，而且地板上铺着墙贴墙的厚绒地毯。 阔大的窗前垂着洁白的布帘，屋内的家私分布得又齐整又漂亮。不像我们家自己的，分不出哪是客厅，睡房，还是厨房的台椅。 地上那块边缘已破裂和花样已消磨了的薄漆布，爸说要换也说过不只一次了。我家细小的窗前，傍晚后只是一张拉下来的卷帘。妈跟爸一样每天要返工，我们孩子们在家里又爱胡闹，妈说我们把家弄得像垃圾堆。 但是妈爱我们，不大骂我们，就是放工回来累极了，也尽量去收拾东西。 我们知道错了，也不彼此推卸责任，静静悄悄地一同帮妈的忙。
妈说到大姨妈家里是不能像在自己家里那样放肆的。 其实妈永不着如此细心的吩咐，大姨妈的家里是没有人敢放肆的。三个表兄都很听大姨妈的话，难道我比他们的胆子还大吗？ 而且大姨妈最喜欢我，大概我称呼她的时候声音响亮，所以每次她总是要找糖果给我吃的。 人人都说大姨妈「恶」，我却觉得她最可爱。
年纪大了点，大姨妈的家里筑了一个游泳池，虽然并不是怎样的大，但是听大姨妈常常说，在我们这个小镇上，这是第一个游泳池的人家，而且是中国人的人家呢。 此后，大姨妈的家常常举行庆会，来宾都是一些红须绿眼的老番。每次大姨妈都吩咐妈去厨房帮忙。 有时妈虽然累极了，也从来不肯开口说个「不」字。 初时我忍不住要咕噜几句，妈说我明理，不该这样。 妈说在不景气的时代，祖父失了业，家中的弟妹，都是常常靠着大姨妈的帮忙，才挨得过的。 妈说她小的时候，祖父「逼」他们到菜栏去拾取工人搬运时漏落在地上的小豆粒，和到鱼栏去拾取老番嫌小而丢下的挞鲨鱼。小孩子这样做，是不会被人赶走的。妈看见我流泪，说过一次也从此不再提了。
我们的小镇，是以种生菜出名的，居民绝大多数是菲律宾人和墨西哥人，唐人来到这里是开赌来的。 当初有家室的人不多，大战后才有改变，现在倒也有一二百户人家。我家算是早期的本地人。
大姨丈本来是一个配药师，听说他也是乐于此业，但是大姨妈的眼光比较远大，觉得只有做医生才有出路，所以把姨丈说服。 姨丈在镇上挂牌之后，因为略通西班牙语，生意十分兴隆，又得大姨妈亲临管帐，所以赖帐的人甚少。他们的房屋所在的那块五亩大的地皮，是病人交不出医费而押了出来的。不过人人都知道，大姨丈的钱不是医病人赚来的，都是靠大姨妈投资得法获得的良好结果。
大姨丈对于家中大小的事情，似乎从来都甚少理会。他每天不诊症的时候，都跟外国人在郊外高等俱乐部那里打高尔夫球。要不是他跟这班镇上的商人混得好，他们绝不会招请一个中国人入会的。 在这镇上，不是会员就跟收割生菜的那些菲记墨记一样没有地位。 姨丈入会后，姨妈的手头阔绰，所以不久姨丈还做起会长来，很有体面。 在这个时期家中的庆会自然也特别多，妈也就随着忙。后来姨丈又被请加入了著名的神庵会，参加了他们的鼓乐队，穿起古怪的服装，戴上一顶有辫的小帽子，打着铜钹，怪有趣的。 从此镇上的人就更加尊敬大姨妈这家人了。
大姨妈不是一个爱使唤人家而自己偷懒的人物，大姨妈早起晚睡，魄力过人，果敢勇断。 她的庆会是镇上有名的， 菜式中西配合，酒水供应不息，博得来宾的称赞。 她准备的工作十分周到，如果大埠没有人可以替她买货送进去的时候，她必定要指挥姨丈驾车载她出大埠来亲自办理，从不马虎。 在家里她又吩咐儿子们清洗水池，开设室外台椅，还有一个经常雇用的黑妇，帮助料理着屋内的一切。 当嘉宾云集的时候，大姨妈成了戏台上的主角，十分光荣。 其盛况虽然不及百万富翁的「派脱」，但是如果这个小镇有一份自己的报纸的话，大姨妈的庆会，必定会登上社交新闻的头条。
说起来，我离开这个小镇也有十多年了，当初是读大学出来的，原是属于暂时性质。 后来看见了小镇外的大场面，也就把自己的眼界提高了。 从此以后， 除了省亲之外，已经没有还乡的思念了。
今年母亲五十生诞，我带来自己的女儿回来探问妈妈，也看看多时不见的弟妹。 妈说我应该前去问候大姨妈，妈说大姨妈很想念我。 大姨妈自来对我都很好，她虽然没有妈的温暖，但是我没有像其他的人故意要躲避她的理由，只是自己成家以后，老是忙着日常的琐碎事务，就是回老家来，也总是找不到去探访她的机会。
大姨妈的大屋， 除了家私布置换了新的之外，各种安排都差不多是旧时的模样，同样的漂亮，同样的华丽。 只是现在知道了这所大夏只剩下他两老的时候， 心理上不免觉得这个地方变得十分清静吧了。 在家庭活动的大厅里，墙上浮动的书架上，还是从前那几本没有人翻过的书籍。不过现在架上多了三张十分引人注目的相片。 第一张是大表哥的四口一家。大表哥是个心脏病专家，很有名望，爱作研究的工作，不肯承续父业，曾对大姨妈说过，他要为自己而活的，现在择居离此七十里。二表哥也是医生，很会赚钱，大姨妈把所有的希望都寄托在他的身上，但是二表哥跟大姨妈闹翻了逃到远远的罗省去了。 二表哥生下三个儿女，大的不过是七岁，说是已经离了婚的。 三表哥爱听命令，投进了海军准备以此为终生事业。
大姨妈说我的女儿叫大姨妈的时候，她的声音和我小的时候同样的清晰和响亮。 我们坐在一块儿吃着大姨丈的病人特别采择和精选过送来的草莓果。我的女儿是都会里长大的， 那里尝过这样好的东西？
电话在书房里响了。接着是大姨丈对话的声音，声音含糊不清。
大姨妈集中精神注听着，在静寂中突然高声呼叫了起来，把我们都吓窒了。
「你不能就这样跑了，你答应清理游泳池的，你答应帮我洗擦蘑菇的。 你怎能这样一概不理地跑去打球呢？ 是你要举行的庆会，你的朋友，你的 。 。 。 。 」
大姨丈原是要过来吃草莓的，现在却沈着脸转入了厨房去，还想用力砰地掩上门，刚出了手，却又不自觉的停止了，随着轻轻的掩上。
「我现在又没有佣人，又没有儿子，我站一会儿背骨就痛了。你只懂得请客，却不知我的辛苦。」
大姨妈的雷声在大屋子里好像是来回的激荡着。 垂帘外的绿草如茵，围绕当中的游泳池，蔚蓝色的池水，在微风中悠闲的波动着，闪烁出黄金般的太阳光线。 这景象十多年来都没有改变过。
但是在深深的喘着气的大姨妈已经衰老了。
大姨丈静静的走来坐下吃草莓。他细声地说，我下午三时就可以回来了。
「你答应帮忙我的 。 。 。 。」
「呀？」姨丈随着把他挂在胸前的耳聋扩声器扭回正常的位置。
我们向大姨妈告别，回到车上来，小女子敢低声地问：「为什么大姨婆这样 「恶」呢？」
「大姨丈耳聋听不清楚，大姨妈才这样高叫的。」
我仿佛还听到她的声音在空屋里来回的震荡着。
When I was little, what I really liked most was mom taking me to Elder Auntie’s house to play, because Auntie’s house was very big. It was several times bigger than ours, and the floor was covered with thick, woolen carpet spreading from wall to wall. A white, clean curtain was hung in front of the big window. The furniture inside the house was arranged so neatly and beautifully. Unlike the chairs and tables in our home, you couldn’t tell whether they belonged to the living room, bedroom, or the kitchen. The thin linoleum on the floor had its edges torn and the flower pattern rubbed off. Dad had said he would change it many times. The little window in our house would have a rolled shade pulled down in the evening. Mom and dad both went to work during the day, and we children would stay at home and love to run wild. Mom said we were turning our home into a dumpster. But mom loved us and never scolded us. She would do her best to pick things up even when she was very tired after work. We knew we were wrong and did not blame each other. So quietly we would help mom clean up.
Mom said in Auntie’s house we could not have unbridled behavior like we did at home, so we had to behave, otherwise she would not take us again. Actually mom didn’t have to remind us so cautiously, as in Elder Auntie’s house nobody would dare to misbehave. All three of our cousins listened to Auntie, would it mean that I was bolder than they were? Furthemore, Auntie liked me the most, perhaps because when I greeted her, my voice was the loudest. So every time she would always look for some candies to give to me. Everyone said Elder Auntie was ferocious, but I felt she was most lovable.
When I became a little older, Auntie built a swimming pool in her house. Although it was not very big, I often heard Auntie say this was the first family to have a swimming pool in this little town. Moreover, it was a Chinese family. Since then, Auntie’s house often held celebrating parties, and the guests were all red-beard and green-eyes foreigners. Every time, Auntie would tell mom to help out in the kitchen. Sometimes mom was very tired, but she would never say “No.” I couldn’t bear it at first and mumbled a few words, but mom said I understood the way of life and shouldn’t be like that. Mom said your grandfather lost his job during the Great Depression, and the brothers and sisters in the family were all relying on Elder Auntie’s help to get by. Mom said when she was little, grandfather “forced” them to go to the vegetable market to pick the beans spilled out on the ground by the workers while moving the produce, and she was forced to go to the fish market to pick up the little sanddab thrown away by the foreigners for being too small. When kids did these things, they would not be chased away. Mom saw I was shedding tears and after she told it once, she never repeated it again.
Our little town is known for its lettuce. The residents here are mostly Filipinos and Mexicans, while the Chinese came here to open a gambling house. There were only a few people having families at that time, and it didn’t change until after the war. Now there are 200 families. My family is considered an early native. Elder Uncle was originally a pharmacist. I heard that he was happy with this occupation, but Elder Auntie had a farther vision and regarded that only being a doctor could have a bright future. So she had Elder Uncle convinced. After Uncle hung up his signage in town, because he could speak a little Spanish, his business was very good. He also had Elder Auntie to personally manage the bookkeeping, so not many could default on their payments. The piece of five acres land where their house is located was obtained through a mortgage when a sick patient could not pay his medical bill. Everybody knew Uncle’s wealth was not earned from taking care of patients. His wealth was the good result of Auntie making the right investments.
Elder Uncle never bothers with big or small matters at home. Every day when he does not see patients, he is playing golf with foreigners at the high class Country club in the outskirts of town. If he hadn't gotten along well with these merchants in town, they wouldn’t have invited him to join the club. In this town if you are not a member, you will not have any status like those Filipinos and Mexicans who harvest lettuce. After Uncle joined the club, Auntie was being generous in spending money, so before long Uncle became President of the club. It was very honorable indeed. Naturally during this time, there were especially many parties in Auntie’s house, and mom followed along to help all the while. Later, Uncle was again being invited to join the famous Shriner Club, and he participated in their marching band wearing a little hat with a hanging tail, clapping the cymbal and looking very funny. From then on, people in town had even more respect for Auntie’s family.
Elder Auntie was not someone who liked to tell people what to do while she herself was being lazy. She got up early and stayed up late, having more strength than others. She was courageous and decisive. The parties she gave were well known in town. The food was combined with Chinese and Western styles, the drinks were served endlessly, and she was praised by her guests. She was very thorough in her preparation. If no one in San Francisco could buy things and deliver to her, she would definitely command Uncle to drive her out to San Francisco and handle it herself. She never just let things get by. She told her sons at home to clean the pool, and set up outdoor furniture. There was a black woman she hired who managed things inside the house. When the guests came gathering in like clouds, Elder Auntie was the star on stage, feeling very honorable. Although this grand event was not as large a scale as a party hosted by a millionaire, Auntie’s party would certainly be in the headline of the society section if there was a newspaper in this small town. Speaking of it, I have left this small town ten years now. At first I came out to go to college, and it was just temporary. But after seeing the grand horizon from outside of the small town, I have elevated my own vision and perspective. From then on other than visiting my parents, I don’t have the thought of returning to my birthplace any more.
This year is my mother’s 50th birthday, and I brought my daughter with me to visit mom, as well as to see my siblings who I have not seen for quite a while. Mom told me to visit Elder Auntie, and she said that Auntie has been thinking of me. Auntie has always been good to me, although she is not as warm as my mother, I have no reason like the others who would intentionally avoid her. But after I had my own family, I was constantly busy with the daily odds and ends of routine work, so even if I returned here, I couldn’t find an opportunity to visit her. In Elder Auntie’s house, besides the furniture being replaced with newer ones, the arrangement is pretty much like the old day, just as beautiful and just as gorgeous. It is only when I find out this mansion is left with just two old people that I sense in my heart this place has become so quiet. In the living room where family activities take place, on the floating bookshelves, there are the same few books that nobody has thumbed through. However, the shelf now has three attractive pictures. The first picture is the oldest cousin’s four-member family. Elder cousin is a heart specialist. He is quite well known, loves to do research, and does not want to inherit his father’s business. He once told his mother that he wants to live a life for himself, and is now residing 70 miles away. Second cousin is also a doctor, and he knows how to make money. Auntie puts all hopes on him, but he had a fall out with his mother and had escaped far away to Los Angeles. Second cousin has three children; the big one is only seven years old. I heard that he had been divorced. Third cousin loves to take orders; he joined the navy and made it his lifetime career.
Elder Auntie said when my daughter greeted her Grand Auntie, her voice was as clear and loud as mine when I was little. We sat down to eat the strawberries given by Elder Uncle’s patient who had especially selected the best for Auntie. How would my daughter growing up in the metropolitan could ever taste such good things?
The phone rang in the library, and Elder Uncle’s answering voice followed. The sound was muffled and unclear. Auntie concentrated on listening, and amidst the silence she suddenly shouted out, scaring all of us.
“You cannot just run off like this. You promised to clean the swimming pool and help me clean the mushrooms. How could you not do anything and go to play golf? You were the one who wanted to have the party, they were your friends, your ….”
Elder Uncle was going to come over to eat strawberries, but now with a heavy look he turned into the kitchen. He wants to slam the door, but just as he raises his hand, he unconsciously stops and just lightly closes it. “I don’t have a helper now, and I don’t have my sons. My back hurts after standing for a little while. You only know how to invite guests and don’t know how hard it is on me.”
Auntie’s thunderous voice echoes back and forth in the big house. The grass outside the curtain is green and soft as carpet. Surrounded by the grass the sky-blue water in the swimming pool is leisurely waving under the light wind, reflecting a shimmering golden sunlight. This scene has not changed in more than ten years. But Auntie who is gasping for breath is old and feeble now.
Uncle quietly sits down and eats strawberries. He says softly that he could come back at three o’clock in the afternoon.
“You promised to help me….”
“What?” Uncle at that instant corrects the volume of his hearing aid hanging in front of his chest.
We say goodbye to Auntie and return to the car. Only then the little girl dares to ask softly, “Why is Grand Auntie so ferocious?”
“Elder Uncle has a hearing problem and couldn’t hear clearly, so Elder Auntie has to shout out loudly.”
It seems as if I can still hear her voice vibrating back and forth in the empty house.