"Christmas Gift"
平安夜， 圣善夜，
万暗中， 光华射！
玛利安娜把窗门轻轻地推开，街上孩童唱着平安夜的歌声，更响亮地涌进她的耳朵来。 下意识地她向街下一望，自言自语地说：“又是圣诞节的前夜了。”
玛利三个星期前刚刚渡过她的三十九岁生日。 时光不留情地带走了她的青春，看来她像是过了四十的人了。 虽然容貌有点憔悴，但是那耶双不变的美丽眼睛可以追想到她少女时代的美丽。 她站在窗前，遥望着这伟大都市灯光，家家户户的窗前都影出红绿光色的圣诞树。 一切都很平静，人人都很快乐。 她熟悉地仰起头去望那满空闪烁着的星。 她的手慢慢地举起，像要抚触天边的星尖。 突然平静的星湖中，一颗流星殒落下来，在天空划了一条灿烂的白炼，一刻就在黑暗的太空中消灭了，一道白炼也不遗留半点痕迹。 玛利的眼睛亮了起来，为了太空的损失，为了自己的损失，眼泪沿着颊部流到口角上。 十九年前的事像圈丝一般紧缠着她底软弱的心。
* * *
这是十九年前的事。 玛利和大伟的结婚已经有两年的历史，而家庭中的小生命——彼得——也会唤爸爸和妈妈了。 就是这年的圣诞节前夜，玛利忙了几天购买礼物送给朋友，独忘了给丈夫大伟的，所以在大节的前夕，她还忙着在外奔走，已经是黄昏的时候了。
”大伟，大伟，” 玛利刚从外面回来，欢天喜地呼着她的丈夫。
大伟坐在厅中的沙发上，正在很用心地读着朋友送给他的 「民声」杂志。
“大伟 。 。 。 ” 玛利边呼边到厅来。 发现了丈夫在看书而不理会她，不由有点不喜欢。“大伟， 你 。 。 。 。 ”
大伟醒觉地抬起头，立刻做出个笑容来：“亲爱的，什么时候回来了？”
“唤了你几声，你都不理我。 我以为睡着了。” 玛利还带着小孩子的怪责脾气。
“亲爱的，真对不起了。” 大伟跑过去把玛利抱在怀里，轻轻地在她的嘴唇上亲一个谢罪的吻。
玛利又回复天真地说： “大伟，你猜猜我给你的礼物是什么？”
“猜不到，什么呢？”
“试猜猜看。”
“我猜不到了。 你说吧。”
玛利本来像要大伟再猜猜，可是她已把那包小小的精致礼物递到丈夫的面前。
“这是什么？” 大伟忙着想把纸解开。
“大伟，要等到黑夜才准开。”
“不开也可以，只要你告诉我这是什么。”
“我不说，你今晚见到就知。”
大伟看见了妻孩子般的脾气还没有除去，微微地一笑，就走回到原坐的沙发上继续读他的 「民声」。
“大伟，诚实地对我说，你觉得快乐吗？” 玛利在厅中踱了两个圈，凝望着丈夫一会，不由忍不住地问。
“亲爱的安娜，你说我快乐吗？” 大伟把杂志放在一旁，眉头皱了一下。 “当然我是快乐的，有了你这样的妻子，那个男人会感到不快乐呢？ 为什么你要这样问呢？”
“我不是这个意思，大伟。 你一定有着隐瞒的心事，我是看出的，自从我们结婚后，你没有真正快乐过，对吗？” 玛利充满着热情地说，好像回复当日初恋的心情一样。 接着见大伟没有答她，声线低沈下去说： “我还以为婚姻的爱会把你的心宽容过来，谁知你还是从前那般忧郁，现在更又痛苦地压在自己的心头。 我 。 。 。 。 ”
孩子睡醒的哭声从内室传出来。 玛利安娜机械地走进去把孩子抱出来。 大伟倚在沙发上，仰起头来，闭目细听。
“嗳嗳，妈在这里，不要哭了。” 妻的声音扣着大伟的心，他极力压抑着苦痛的泄露。
“就是彼得出生了，巴不得把你改变来 。 。 。 。 ”
玛利的慈爱声音像针般向着大伟的灵魂刺着。 他努力挣扎了一会，装着喜悦的面容说：
“安娜， 今晚晚餐食什么呢？”
已过午夜了，大伟还没有睡，几年来的心情昏混地扰着他。 玛利赠送的礼物又深深地刺着他的眼睛。 这块袋镖的装饰徽章像根生命的鞭子在鞭策着他的心， 刻在一面的黑暗地球唤起了他为社会解放的志向，另一面的十字架又提醒他为人类博爱牺牲的誓言。 这块圆形的古铜片竟有如许大的魔力。 他在书台上写了许多封信，但都是开始几句说话后就没法写下去。
教堂的钟声沉重地扣了一下，大伟决然地站起来，用右手把乱蓬蓬的头发掠了一下，轻轻地走进内室去。
“一切都准备好了。” 大伟的心好像宽了一半地自语着，轻轻地走到熟睡的玛利面前，掠开垂在她额上的软髪，在她那合闭着的眼睛上印了一个轻吻。 心儿低声的说， “安娜，原谅我。 我太自私了，我的良心比你还要重要。”
大伟又走到彼得的小床前，在他的小额头上照样印一个父亲的吻。 心说， “你还无知，你总不会受到悲哀的侵袭，但是为了要保护你的永远安全，我不能不离开你而去，为我来深爱你底母亲吧。”
提了皮笈，大伟最后再回头恋看着家中的一切，转身就在门外的黑暗中消失了。
睡去的人儿，在不知不觉中，从此就失却自己的爱人了。
第二天早晨，彼得的哭声把玛利惊醒起来。 玛利抱着抽咽中的彼得，唤了两声大伟，没有回答。 玛利跑进浴室去一看，大伟也不在。 回到内室来，觉得室中的各物有点奇异。 抽开柜桶，一个阴影顿时掠过她底心。 她走到厅中，一团团信笺的字纸盒引去她的主意力。 她俯身下去展开面上还新的纸块，手中还抱着这刚一岁的彼得。
“亲爱的安娜呀，
我负起了一切的罪恶，辞别我最亲爱的你和我最宝爱的彼得，继续走我的前程。你也知道十字架比我的内心还要重得多。 我去后，自有朋友来照顾你，但是世界上求救的千千万万 。 。 。 。”
* * *
这封未完成的信在玛利的眼前显隐了几次，失望和悲哀的联军攻陷了她心门，把眼泪从她的心中挤逐出眼眶来。 彼得注神看着流泪的母亲，自己也跟着号哭起来。 ————
这些往事在玛利的脑上一再浮起来。 泪珠也像心情的潮绪一样从心的深隅涌出。 街下孩童唤着： “快乐的圣诞节！” 这样的情境仿佛又回到那往年一样。 ————
* * *
夜已颇深了，玛利还在窗前凝望着天空的繁星。 大伟的不辞而去已经整整的三个年头了。 这三个年头未有接到过大伟半点消息，也没有人知道他的所在。街上孩童唱着 “平安夜” 的 歌声，柔柔底拂着玛利的耳朵。 。 。 。 平安夜，圣善夜，牧羊人，在旷野 。 。 。 。 。
突然门外一阵细微的声音传进玛利耳朵。 她机械地回过头一看，发现门底缝里有块纸条胆怯怯地钻进来。 玛利好奇地走过去，把那块纸拾起来展开一看，她的眼睛顿时亮起来，那熟悉的字迹明明是大伟的。 她心房已经开足了马力，泪珠无情地滴在信纸上。
“亲爱的安娜，
自从三年前那晚我负上一切的罪过，走上前程之后，我没有片刻忘记了你和小彼得，但是十字架比我的心还要重。 我现在不是求你的原谅，而只求你的了解，我知道你是了解我的人。 安娜，你说得不错，无论我怎样装着外表，我的心是一样沉阴忧郁的。 自从结婚以来，我承认不曾快乐过。 你所给我的爱是世界上最伟大的，但是我不甘愿独享。 我从来不曾悔恨过我们的结婚。 我知道你想把我从忧郁中拔救出来，但是，我的安娜呀，我的忧郁是我的思想给与的。 在这个恶劣的社会制度没有完全毁坏的时候，我的忧郁是永远不会消灭的。 我很感激你给我的伟大的爱，使我的心在几年的困苦和黑暗的斗争中，没有空虚过。
我常常希望有一个孩子，好坏我可以走开。 果然你把我的梦想变为事实了。 自从彼得降生之后，我每天都挣扎着拿出勇气出走。 有了孩子，你的爱就可以寄托在这个你我所产生的小生命上。 而你时时刻刻也在我的灵魂中恋爱着，该不会感到我去了的悲哀和空虚。 有了彼得，我的心可以轻宽些，虽然所负的罪过也随之而加重。
你还记得那晚你送我的圣诞礼物吗？ 这就是我出走的决断了。 我握着那个铜章看了足有整个小时之久。 所有的内心矛盾忧悲，都给这块圆形的小东西解除了。 我努力几次想给你写封告别的信，但是不知道为了什么心情我总是写上几句话就没法写下去，或者是拥着太多的激情吧，到现在我还认为一件遗憾的事。
我以热情的手紧握着你给我的铜章，踏着稳定的脚步，走上我底人生的路程，向着目标努力迈进。 什么也不能阻扰我，因为在我的心中有着你给我的铜章上的伟大灵魂，我的手从来没有宽松过。
呀， 安娜呀！ 你为什么要赠送给我这个铜章来做圣诞礼物呢？
几个月前，我曾经走过这里，但是我没有勇气拍门进去。 这，在我和在你都比较好些吧。 今日是圣诞节的前夕。 偶然我又再走到这个熟习的门前，但是再过几个钟头就又要走了。 因为同志们和我正筹划推倒一个政府。 安娜，如果你还了解我，还具有着几年前的勇气，那么就把隔着我们的门打开吧，我现在就站立在你的门前。但是如果你因为不见较好，见了反使你更难过，那么我在这门前站立十分钟后再走上我的前程了。安娜，决定吧，那一样对我都是好的。
———— 没有忘了你的大伟
门打开了。 室内射出的光芒落在大伟黯黑的脸上，显然已经是苍老许多了。 玛利带着水汪汪的眼睛对着这神迹一般的出现发呆了一刻。 “哗” 的一声，玛利已扑在大伟的怀里。两个蓄了三年的亲爱呼声同时发出。
“大伟，大伟。”
“呀，安娜！”
大伟在玛利的颈上深深地吻着，默默地抚着她的头发。
“大伟，你老了。” 玛利的头还在大伟的怀里。
“安娜， 你也老了。”
沉默着， 黑夜拥抱着这对重逢的爱人。 时刻无情地走过。
“大伟， 彼得长得真像你。”
玛利和大伟两人手牵着手，站在彼得的床前。
“这就是我的儿子了。 像天使般熟睡。” 大伟带着感情低声地说。
“让我唤醒他来认识爸爸。”
“安娜，让他安睡吧。 在他的纯洁灵魂中不应该有我这个不负责任的父亲的残影。让他少认识我这样一个人。 他将来生命就会幸福些了。”
“大伟， 我不欢喜你这么说。”
是谁忍心把时光带走，不愿做半点的停留。 难道这个人世就没有半点值得恋念的吗？
“安娜，为我，请你以后不再要流泪。 就算我是为求在黑暗中燃起一点光， 像蜡烛一样把自己要毁灭，你要知道，我流的不是泪，而是血，热的血。 让这热的溶液流滴在你的心中，永远凝结在那里， 你的心就永远不会破碎了。 安娜，为我做一件事，请你每年在圣诞节的前夕为我燃起一枝蜡烛，好让我在黑暗中得到一点光，在寒冷中得到一点温暖。 每年这个时候，我会寄回一张我的照相给你作圣诞的礼物。 现在我要走了。”
大伟抱着玛利亲了一个三分多钟的永别长吻。
“安娜，现在把你的背向着我，不可回头顾看直到我去远了。 我帮助你把眼光关上。”
黑暗的屋内站着玛利，静聴着大伟腿步声的消失。
厅中的时钟说 “已经三点钟了！”
* * *
玛利还孤零零地站在窗前。 自从时光无情地带走了她的青春之后，她就和时光决裂起来，从此不爱惜时光了。 记得这又是一个圣诞的前夕。
十六岁的彼得今日遵从了母亲的说话，在家等候着母亲的归来。
“彼得，有父亲的信吗？” 刚踏进门的玛利，急着发问。
“有。”
玛利以轻松的脚步走过去把信拿在手里，预备展开来看。 信封上的字迹激起她的不安的心来。 手颤抖地撕开信封， 一个铜章流进她的手， 她紧紧地握着， 面色苍白的没有一点血色。 “一切都完了！” 她的心这么说。
“妈，怎样你不读呢？” 彼得看见母亲尽管握着那信封，不由急着问。
玛利没有回答，她实在也听不到。 彼得这才发见了玛利那颤抖着的躯干和苍白的面色。 于是走过去拿起那封还未读过的信，差不多一个个字地念出，
“玛利安娜女士：
我以最沉痛的心来告诉你一个最不幸的消息。 大伟已经牺牲了。 你和我们都受到同样大的损失，千万的人会受到更大的损失。 他时常说，如果有了什么不幸的，请求我把他常带的铜章寄来给你。 我不知道这个铜章对你有什么反应和关系，但是大伟流最后一滴血的时候还紧握着这个铜章。 。 。
“够了，” 玛利的苦涩声音像呻吟般说出， 止住了彼得所读的书信。
彼得含着两颗眼泪，望着痛苦的玛利。他握着玛利颤抖的一只手，努力说出这个问话来：
“妈，为什么你不哭呢？” ————
* * *
十九年以来的往事浮现在脑海上，接连着也照样一个个地沉隐了。 脑海就只是些痛苦的残影，心中却充满了无名的悲哀。 玛利从窗前转过身来，缓步走到桌上，燃起了两枝蜡烛。 桌上十二个肖像随着烛光在晃动，其中一个是前四个月在欧战场失综的彼得。 这刚二十岁的孩子竟遭遇到比他父亲还不幸的命运。 其他十一个肖像是十一年来的大伟，每个都比前一个多些皱纹，不平凡的生活竟刻上这样深的痕迹。
玛利对着这两个爱人的遗像看了好一会，眼泪频频地涌出。 泪珠沿着她面上的深沟流下，滴在桌上，她的心差不多要破裂了。 她伏在桌上大声地哭了起来，模糊的说话在她的口中冲出。
“大伟， 大伟， 我也对得住你了。 我也尽了我最后的责任，送走了我们的儿子。 你虽然已离人世去了，但是我每年还是一样为你燃起这枝烛光。 大伟，你没有去，你还在我的心中，而且永远在我的心中。 这次我关上心门，使你永远不能再出走了。大伟，大伟，你现在应该是我的了！”
街上孩童的歌声又起了，而且更加响亮起来。
。。。。。
救赎宏恩的黎明来到，
圣容发出来，荣光普照。
耶稣我主降生。
耶稣我主降生。
Silent night, holy night.
All in calm, all is bright.
Marianna lightly pushes the window open and the sound of children singing “Silent Night” on the street streaming into her ears even more loudly. She subconsciously looks down at the street, saying to herself: “It is Christmas Eve again.”
Mary had passed her 39th birthday just three weeks ago, and time has mercilessly taken away her youth. She looks to be over 40 years old. Although her complexion is a little thin and pale, from her untouched beautiful eyes one could imagine her beauty when she was a young lady. She stands in front of the window, looking into the distance at the lights of this great metropolitan. The red and green lights on the Christmas trees are reflected through the window of every household. All is calm, as everyone is very happy. She raises her head in familiarity and looks at the twinkling stars spreading across the sky. Slowly she raises her hand as if to touch the tip of a star at the edge of the sky. Suddenly, among the serene river of stars a meteor falls down, drawing a radiant white chain across the sky. It instantly disappears in the dark space and not even a bit of trace remains from this white string. Mary’s eyes are brightened up for the loss in the sky and for her own loss. Tears flow down to the corner of her mouth as the event from nineteen years ago like a roll of silk threads gets tightly tangled up in her faint heart.
* * *
This happened nineteen years ago. At the time Mary and David had been married for two years, and the little new life in the family, Peter, had learned to call Papa and Mama. It was Christmas Eve of that year and Mary had been busy for a few days buying presents for friends, but she had forgotten to get one for her husband David. So on Christmas Eve, she was still running around shopping. It was already in the evening.
“David, David,” Mary just returned and with boundless joy she called for her husband.
David sat on a sofa in the living room, attentively reading The People’s Voice magazine given to him by a friend.
“David . . . . ” Mary called out as she walked into the living room and saw David reading and not attending to her. She couldn’t help becoming a little unhappy. “David, you….”
Looking up, David recovered his attention and immediately let out a smiling face: “My dear, when did you return?”
“I called you a few times and you didn’t even reply, I thought you were asleep.” Mary still expressed some childishness in her complaining temperament.
“My dear, I am really sorry.” David rushed over to embrace Mary and lightly pressed on her lips with a kiss of apology.
Mary returned to her natural self and said, “David, guess what present I’ve got for you?”
“I wouldn’t have guessed it. What is it?”
“Let’s try to guess.”
“I can’t guess. Just tell me.”
Mary was going to ask David to guess again, but she had already handed over that tiny, exquisite present in front of her husband.
“What is this?” David wanted to quickly tear off the wrapper.
“David, you have to wait until nighttime before you are allowed to open it.”
“Alright, I won’t open it, but only if you tell me what it is.”
“I won’t say, and you will know in the evening.”
Seeing his wife still embracing that childish temperament, he smiled and went back to the same sofa, continuing reading The People’s Voice.
“David, tell me honestly. Are you happy? ” Pacing a couple rounds in the living room, Mary gazed at her husband for a while and couldn’t refrain from asking.
“My dear Anna, did you ask whether I am happy?” David put down his magazine, frowning. “Naturally I am happy, with a wife like you. What kind of men will feel unhappy? Why do you ask so?”
“That is not what I meant, David. You must have something concealed in your mind. I can see it. You haven’t been happy since we married, is that right? ” Mary asked fervently as if she had revived the passion when she first fell in love. But seeing David being unresponsive, she continued with a lowly sunken voice, “I thought marriage love would mellow your heart, but you are just as melancholy as before. Now you have further suppressed it in your mind. I….”
The crying sound of an awakened child came out from the bedroom. Mechanically Marianna went in to carry the child out. David leaned on the sofa with his head raised and his eyes closed, carefully listening.
“Aww, mom is here. Don’t cry now.” Wife’s voice grappled David's heart as he tried his best to suppress his pain.
“Then Peter was born and how I hope his birth would change you…..”
Mary’s kind and affectionate voice was like needles pricking into David’s soul. He struggled for a while and feigned a cheerful expression.
He said, “Anna, what do we have for dinner tonight?”
It was past midnight, and David had not gone to sleep. His state of mind in the last few years had been obscurely disturbing to him. And Mary’s gift to him was bitterly painful to his eyes, as the decorative symbol on the medallion of the pocket watch was like a whip of life flogging his heart. The dark world carved on one side of the medallion renewed his aspiration to liberate the society, and the cross on the other side reminded him of his pledge to sacrifice for the niversal love of humanity. Unexpectedly, this round shaped old copper plate had such immense magical power. On his desk he had written many letters, but they were just a few sentences to start and he couldn’t continue writing.
The church bell was heavily struck once. David determinedly stood up, stroked his tangled hair once, and quietly walked into the bedroom.
“It is all prepared.” David felt his heart was more at ease as he talked to himself. Quietly he walked to the sound asleep Mary and separated the soft hair dangling down on her forehead. He lightly pressed on a kiss on her closed eyelids. He spoke softly in his heart, “Anna, forgive me. I am too selfish. My conscience is more important than you.”
David then walked to the front of Peter’s little bed, and in the same way, he placed a fatherly kiss on Peter’s little forehead. His heart spoke, “You are still innocent, and you would not suffer the intrusion of sorrow. But in order to permanently protect your security, I cannot but leave you and go. Dearly love your mother for me.”
Carrying a suitcase, David turned around and took a last longing look of everythings in his home, and disappeared outside his home into the darkness.
In their sleep people are unaware they have forever lost their loved one.
On the next day Peter’s cry woke Mary up, and she held the sobbing child in her arms, calling out for David twice. There was no response. Mary went and looked into the bathroom, and David was not there. She went back to the bedroom and felt the things in the room were a little strange. As she opened the drawers, a dark shadow swept across her heart. She went into the living room and was attracted by the batch of rolled up stationary papers in the wastebasket. She bent down, picked up the newest one, and opened it while still carrying the one year old Peter in her arms.
“My dear Anna,
Carrying all my guilt with me, I am leaving my dearest you and my most cherished Peter and continuing my journey. You know the cross is heavier than my inner spirit. After I leave, there will be friends to look after you, but there are tens of thousands in the world begging to be saved . . . . ”
This incomplete letter appeared and disappeared several times in front of Mary’s eyes. Disappointment and sorrow joined forces and stormed the door of her heart, pushing the tears out of her eyes from her heart. Peter fixed his gaze on his tearful mother and followed by a loud cry himself.
* * *
All these past events kept floating up in Mary’s mind, and her tears were like the surging mood of her state of mind rushing out from the depth of her heart. The children on the street are shouting “Merry Christmas!” This scene appears to be returning to the past again.
* * *
The night was quite late now. Mary in front of the window was still gazing at the blinking stars in the sky. David’s eparture without a farewell had been a full three years. Mary had not received any news of David during these years, and nobody knew where he was. Children’s singing of “Silent Night” on the street was tenderly fluttering into Mary’s ears.
Silent night, holy night ...
Shepherds quake at the sight! ...
A soft sound from outside the door suddenly came into Mary’s ears. She turned around in a mechanical gesture and found a iece of paper being slipped under the door gap in quivering motion. With curiosity Mary went over to pick up the paper. Upon opening it, her eyes were immediately brightened up. It was the familiar handwriting of David. Her heart chamber accelerated to the maximum speed, while tears mercilessly dropped on the letter.
“My dear Anna,
Since I carried all my guilt with me and went on my journey three years ago, I have not for a moment forgotten you and little Peter. However, the cross is heavier than my heart. I am not asking for your forgiveness now, and I only want your understanding. I know you are someone who understands me. Anna, you were not wrong in saying that no matter how I pretend in my appearance, my heart is always depressed and melancholic. I admit I have never been happy since we were married. You gave me the love that was the greatest in the world, but I cannot enjoy it all by myself. I have never regretted our marriage, and I know you want to pull me out of melancholy to save me. But, oh my Anna, my melancholy is formed by my thoughts. When this abominable social system has not completely been destroyed, my melancholy will never be perished. I am very thankful for your great love which has helped my heart to not feel empty while I struggle in hardship and darkness during the last few years.
I had often hoped that we would have a child, so I can leave for good or bad. As expected, you really made my dream come true. Since the arrival of Peter’s birth, I struggled everyday to find the courage to leave. With a child you can then entrust your love to this little life that was created by you and I. And moreso, in my soul you will be in love with me at all times. You will not feel sorrow and emptiness after I have left. With Peter my heart can be more at ease, albeit the guilt that I have to carry has also become heavier.
Do you still remember the Christmas gift you gave me that night? It was with it that I became determined to leave. I held that copper emblem and looked at it for a full hour, and all the conflicts and distress in my heart were all resolved by this little round thing. I have tried several times to write you a farewell letter. But I didn’t know what state of mind I was in that led me to discontinue the writing after a few sentences. Perhaps I was too emotional, and even now I still consider it a matter to regret.
With passion I tightly gripped the copper medallion you gave me, taking steady and sure steps, getting on my life’s journey, and striding ahead with great effort towards the goal. Nothing can stop me now because in my heart I have the great spirit of the copper emblem you gave me, and my hands have never loosened.
Oh Anna! Why did you give me this copper emblem as a Christmas gift?
A few months ago I passed by here, but I didn’t have the courage to knock on the door. I thought this way is better for both you and I. Today is Christmas Eve and I happen to be passing by this familiar front door once more, but I have to leave again in a few hours because my comrades and I are devising an overthrow of the government. Anna, if you still understand me and still possess the past courage, then open the door that is separating us. I am now standing in front of your door. But if you think it is better that we don’t meet, if meeting would further sadden you, then I will stand in front of the door for ten minutes and resume my journey. Anna, you shall decide. Either way is good for me.
David who didn’t forget you.
The door was opened. The light in the room shone on David’s darkened face. He appeared to have aged quite a lot. Mary with her watery eyes was stunned for a moment facing this seeming miracle. “Ahh,” Mary burst out a cry and threw herself into David’s arms. With passion that had been accumulated for three years, both of them simultaneously cried out.
“David, David.”
“Oh, Anna!”
David passionately kissed Mary's neck and softly stroked her hair.
“David, you have aged.” Mary’s head was still on David’s chest.
“Anna, you too have aged.”
In silence, dark night embraced this couple of lovers in reunion, as time mercilessly passed away.
“David, Peter has really grown to resemble you.”
Hand in hand, Mary and David stood in front of Peter’s bed.
“So this is my son, sleeping soundly like an angel.” David speaks in a low voice with emotions. “Let me wake him up to let him know his father.”
“Anna, let him sleep in peace. There should not be any slight shadow of such an irresponsible father like me in his pure and innocent soul. Let him know less of such a person like me. He will be happier in his future life.”
“David, I do not like for you to say so.”
Who has the heart to take away time and not allow it to stay for a moment? Is there not anything worthy of our longing for in this world?
“Anna, for my sake, please don’t cry anymore hereafter. Even if I want to light up darkness like a candle burning itself out, you should know that what I shed is not tears, but blood, warm blood. Let this hot liquid flow into your heart and to be forever congealed there, then your heart will never be broken. Anna, please do one thing for me. On every Christmas Eve, please light up a candle to give me some light in darkness and some warmth in the cold. Every year at this time I will send a picture of me as my Christmas gift to you. And now, I must leave.”
In his embrace, David gave Mary a three minute long farewell kiss.
“Anna, now turn your back to face me and don’t look back until I have gone far away. I will turn off the light for you.”
In the dark room stood Mary, quietly listening to the sound of David’s footsteps fading out.
The clock in the living room struck three times.
* * *
Mary is still standing in front of the window by her lonely self. Since time has mercilessly taken away her youth, she then simply parted from time and no longer cherished it. In recollection, she remembers yet another Christmas Eve.
The sixteen year old Peter obeyed his mother and waited at home for his mother to return.
“Peter, is there any letter from your father?” Mary asked as soon as she stepped inside the door.
“Yes”
Mary swiftly walked over and took the letter into her hand, preparing to open it. The handwriting on the envelope evoked an uncomfortable feeling in her. With trembling hands she tore open the envelope. A copper emblem dropped into her hand. She grabbed on it tightly, while her complexion was turning pale without a tone of blood. “All has ended!” Thus said her heart.
“Mom, why don’t you read it?” Peter saw his mother just holding the letter and couldn't help asking with eagerness.
Mary did not respond, as she really didn’t hear anything. Only then that Peter noticed Mary’s trembling body and her pale complexion. So he walked over and reached for the unread letter. Word by word he read it out loud:
“Miss Marianna:
With my heart deeply in pain, I am informing you the most unfortunate news. David has sacrificed his life. You and we are suffering the same great loss, and tens of thousands of people would have a bigger loss. He often said to me, if the unfortunate event happens, please send to you the copper medallion that he always carried with him. I don’t know your reaction to and relation with this copper medallion, but when David shedded the last drop of blood he was still holding tightly this copper medallion . . . .”
“Enough,” Mary said with an agonized voice that sounded like moaning, pausing Peter’s reading of the letter.
Peter held back tears in his eyes, looking at the painful Mary. He grasped one of Mary’s shivering hands and tried his best to ask this question:
“Mom, why don’t you cry?”
* * *
The past events from nineteen years ago flash by in her mind, and one follows another, fades away, leaving only the shadow of pain and senses of unnamed sorrow in the heart. Mary turns around from the window and slowly walks to the desk and lights up two candles. The twelve pictures on the desk are flashing in the candle light. Among them is Peter who was reported missing in the European battlefield four months ago. This boy who just reached twenty years old had encountered an unfortunate fate worse than his father. The other eleven are David’s pictures through these eleven years. Each one has more wrinkles than the previous one, as the uncommon life has marked such deep traces on him.
Mary looks at the portrait of her two loved ones for quite a while, as tears ceaselessly gushes down, flowing along the wrinkles of her face and dripping on the desk. Her heart is nearly torn apart, as she bends over the desk and cries out loudly. In muttering, she bursts out:
“David, David. I have been fair to you. I have carried out my last responsibility in sending off our son. Although you have left this world, I still light up this candle for you every year just the same. David, you have not been gone, as you are still in my heart and forever in my heart. This time I will lock up the door of my heart so you can never leave and go away again. David, David, you should be mine now.”
The children on the street are singing again, and their voices get louder.
...........
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.