"After Marriage" - 1947
她和我是中学时期的同学，也是一个最好的朋友。 然而她到底是女人，女人总不免有点难以了解的思想和举动，她也不能例外。
在中学时代，她对社会的抱负，和个人立下的牺牲精神，使我十分惊讶和钦佩。 在思想方面我是远赶不上她的。 她的思想是那么纯洁和前进，而且也相当激烈，使我常常想到只要社会给她一点机会，她会把整个生命贡献给社会的。 在她的思想没有飞得太远的时候，我们也常常以青年人的热情互相鼓舞过，深信着社会在我们这一代的手下改善过来。
说起来，这些都是十年前的事了。 自从祖国的烽火把我吓走了之后，我们相隔了好几个年头才开始通信起来。 这几年对我们两个人，都好像过了几个世纪，所不同的是我的国家观念开始退化，渐渐成了一个怀疑主义者，而她奔命于救亡的艰苦工作，志愿好像更加坚固起来。
对日的战事一经结束后，我就获得她立意来美继续求学的消息。 几个月的时光，别离多年的朋友又得到重逢，在国外旅居的情形下，自然地更加亲密起来。
几年的时光，没有使她变得认不出来，她还是从前那般喜悦和可亲，也还是那般诚实和容易给人说服的个性。 时光只把她的皮肤涂黑了点，没有夺去她的活泼表象，但是从这许多光辉放射之中，我看出疲乏的精神和内心的悲哀，一种损失感觉被压抑着的正常反应。
我一方面替她找学校，一方面又劝她休息一下。 我坦白地告诉她，说一个人的精神能力有限，一定要常常休息，精神比肉体于疲倦的感觉来得迟钝，一旦塌了下来是无法收拾的。 人生来具有欲望天性，如果永远将它压抑着，不去争寻满足的对象，结果反面的感情一定堆积得有天要爆炸的。 她听后默默无语。 我知道已经触着她心里的伤口，然而使我最害怕的，还是她底默默无语的反应。
为了生活问题，在学期开始以前，她找了一份工作暂时栖身，从此她就未能把读书的志愿实现。 几个月后，有晚她走来找我。
“我要结婚了。” 她突然告诉我这个不平常的消息，迅速地想继续觧释：“我知道你一定惊奇，我知道你会想 。 。 。 。 。 但是我已经不是从前的我了。”
我尽力压抑所有惊讶的表情，很了解地说：“很好，我一点也不惊奇。 我一向相信人不能永恒地给与而没有点享受的。 结婚是个人的一个最大事业。 我恭祝你的成功。”
“你有什么意见呢？” 她把目光转投窗外。
“我会有什么意见呢？ 你的行动已经决定了。 女人结婚不是为了爱情，就是为了安全。 真正为爱情而结合的婚姻太少了。 可惜爱情不是天赋于人的平等权利，所以安全比爱情还重要，不然天下间就完全是鳏夫和老处女了。 所以结婚和组织公司一样，合得来就好了。 结婚有时是志愿的坟墓，和生活的监牢。 志愿死了，比生活不自由还好一点。 你是一个易被人控制的人， 我为你的幸福而祝福。 一匹野马宁愿在荒野中接受饥饿和寒冷，也不愿失去自由。 当人要把牠骑驶的时候，牠必定作最后的挣扎。”
一个主张恋爱的婚姻和简单同居礼仪的她，却相反地在撑面子和破费场面中，把自己投交她的丈夫。 之后，我曾离埠有三个月，回来的时候，有次在街上碰到她，几乎认不出来。 她已完全变了。 她的欢容竟在这么短速的时间中失掉，眼光中放射出内心的不乐。 我看出她婚后的苦恼生活，无论她怎样勉强装笑，也掩饰不来的。 我们敷衍几句，我请她多多来见我。
自后，她放工后不时来找我倾谈。 我深知她来的原因，但是我设法避免提起这些问题。 常常她和丈夫在一起时，什么主意也要求他的同意。 而他又总黑起了面色，无情地说 “不”，而她却又低头无反抗地接受。 这使我也非常难过。
每次她放工后，没有立刻回家。 她的丈夫总四处打电话去找。 这次竟到我家来追寻。 我不再容忍了，便大声说： “你连自己的妻子也不知去向，却走到别人的家中找。 这成什么事体。 为什么你不用锁链把她绑起来呢！”
She and I are classmates in high school, and she is also a best friend of mine. Nevertheless, she is a woman after all, and women unavoidably have some unfathomable thoughts and actions. She is no exception.
During our time in high school, I really admired and was surprised by her dedication to society and her self-established morale of sacrifice. I am far from her level when it comes to the aspect of cogitation. Her ideas were so pure and progressive, and even quite radical; they often led me to think only if society had given her a chance, she would dedicate her whole life to society. When her ideas had not flown too far out, we often encouraged each other with the zeal of young people. We truly had believed society would improve in the hands of our generation.
Speaking of it, all these happenings were ten years ago. Since the war of our motherland frightened me away, we did not correspond again until after we were separated for a few years. These few years to the two of us were like passing through several centuries. The difference between us was my perspective of the nation began to degenerate and I gradually became a believer of skepticism, while she hustled her life on strenuous tasks of saving the country. Her aspiration seemed to become even more determined.
After the war against the Japanese, I received the news of her intention to come to America to study. A few months later we were able to reunite after many years of separation, and in our circumstance of residing abroad we naturally became even closer.
A few years of time didn’t change her beyond recognition. She was just as cheerful and amiable, and her personality is still very honest and impressionable. Time only had painted her skin darker without taking away her energetic expression. Yet from these brilliant appearances, I saw her weary spirit as well as the sorrow in her heart, which is a common response to suppression of a sense of loss.
While I searched for a school for her, I persuaded her to rest up. I frankly told her a person has limited mental energy, so we must often rest. The mind is slower than the body to react to fatigue, so once it collapses it is impossible to be restored. Humans are born with a natural instinct of desires; if one permanently suppressed it without searching for an object of fulfillment, the result is one day that negative emotion would certainly accumulate to the point of explosion. She kept silent after hearing my advice, and I knew I had touched the wound in her heart. However, what I feared most was her speechlessness and silence as a response.
To support her living, she found a job and temporarily settled her dwelling before the semester started. From then on, she was not able to realize her objective to study. A few months later in one evening, she came to see me. “I am getting married,” she suddenly told me this unexpected news. Immediately she wanted to explain, “I know you must be surprised and I know you would think that …. but I am no longer the me in the past.”
I tried my best to suppress all my astonishing expressions, and with understanding I said, “Very well, I am not a bit surprised, as I always believe one cannot forever give and have nothing to enjoy. Marriage is the biggest enterprise of a person, and I wish you success.”
“Do you have any opinions?” She shifted her eyesight towards the outside of the window. “What opinion would I have? Your action has already determined your decision. A woman getting married if not for love is for security. There are very few marriages that truly are for the bonding of love. It is a pity that romantic love endowed by nature does not provide equal rights; therefore, security is more important than love. Otherwise, the whole world will all be bachelors and old female virgins. So marriage is like establishing a company; it is all well when everybody works together. Marriage sometimes is the tomb of aspiration and the prison of one’s living, but having a lost aspiration is better than living without freedom. You are a person easily controlled by others. I can only wish blessings for your happiness. A mustang rather suffers in hunger and cold in the wilderness, but unwilling to lose its freedom. When it is being ridden it will certainly make its last struggle.”
For she who had advocated marriage for love and a simple ceremony for living together, now, on the contrary, she does the opposite. In a face-saving, expensive ceremony, she handed herself over to her husband. Since then, I had left town for three months. Upon return, I ran into her on the street; I almost did not recognize her, as she had completely changed. Her cheerful complexion was lost in such a short time; her eyes reflected the unhappiness in her heart. No matter how she managed to feign a smile, it cannot disguise her troubling life after marriage. We parted after exchanging a few perfunctory words, and I asked her to come visit me often.
Since then she came to chat with me after work from time to time. I knew very well the reason for her coming, but I tried to refrain from bringing up these problems. Most of the time when she was with her husband, she needed to request his approval for every plan, while his complexion always darkened and heartlessly said “No.” She would then drop her head and accept it without any resistance. Seeing that also made me feel very sad.
Every time after work she didn’t return home immediately. Her husband always called up everywhere looking for her. Unexpectedly he called me this time. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore, so I yelled at him, “You don’t even know where your wife is and have to search in people’s homes? Aren’t you ashamed of your demeanor? Why don’t you tie her up with a chain!”