James Poy Wong 黃培正

"All forms of alienation begin with reticence. In one perspective, reticence has been considered as gold, but it is a devil on this occasion . It destroys friendship and leads to the loss of meaning in life."

"Reticence and Alienation" - 1947

沉默和隔膜

在焦急中等候， 每觉得时光走得太慢。 在两人相对无语之中， 更觉得时间太慢而使人难堪。 我们每一个人， 都有过这样的经验。

虽然我们从来不像女人计算她的衣服那般， 去记忆这些相对无语的一刹那, 但我们总不会忘记这些事情。 我们遭遇着这种沉默的场面时，或发不出由衷的呼声来把它冲破， 或者勉强抽起烟来，或者压抑着自己的感情，去说无相关甚么而是无聊的话，希望消散那不自然而又紧张的空气。 然而我们知道这种种方法，也许冲破空气，但不能冲破两个心灵间的围墙。

让我举出三个例子来： 如果我们干了一件对不起朋友的事，两人互相见面的时候，使你觉得他放射出来的视线含着责备的深意。 但他却沉默，没有责骂，而自己也说不出半句，忍受着最难堪的沉默。 倘若自己有无限的苦衷， 不能坦白相陈，宁愿担负罪名也不愿辩护。 于是相对无言，两人之间便筑起了一座围墙， 多年深交的友情，从此切断。

当自己疯狂地爱着一个不爱自己的异性时，自己的弱点无法在她的跟前掩饰，你为了心中燃烧着的爱火，要吐出爱意，但看对方发出像了解的眼光，可是 不能接纳自己所给与的爱。 于是觉得说出来也是徒然的，勇气从此消失，在沉默中有羞耻的感觉，像干了一件不道德的事情。

在这个复杂的社会，个人的思想复杂，朋友在闲谈之中，很容易牵及思想和信仰， 以至一场欢笑，顿成沉默。 一股热情的交流，也给隔膜所阻。 信仰是无罪的，为什么不能坦白呢？ 信仰自由是一切自由的基础，不敢相信自由的人，断不能干出自由的事业。

一切的隔膜，都起于沉默，沉默在一方面被称为黄金，但在这一方面，却是恶魔，消灭友情，及丧失人生的意义。

Reticence and Alienation

When one is anxiously waiting, one often feels time passes by too slowly. When two people are facing each other without words, one further feels time is too slow that it is unbearable. Each of us has had such an experience.

Unlike a woman who cares about her clothes, we never try to remember those short moments when facing another without words, but we never forget these kinds of situations. When we encounter such a reticent occasion, we may express an involuntary voice to break the silence, or may reluctantly smoke a cigarette, or suppress our feelings and say something unrelated or even silly in hope of dispelling the unnatural and tense atmosphere. We know these various ways may break up the atmosphere, yet it is unable to break down the wall between two souls.

Let me give you three examples. If you have done something regretful to a friend, when the two of you meet face to face, you would feel a look of reproach reflected in his eyes. Yet he remains silent and does not blame you. You also do not say a word, enduring the most unbearable reticence. Even if you have many difficulties unknown to others that you are reluctant to mention, you would prefer to bear the name of the offender and would not be willing to defend yourself. Therefore, the two face each other without a word and a wall is built between the two people. Many years of deep friendship is cut off thereafter.

When you are madly in love with someone who doesn't love you, you cannot hide your own weakness in front of her. For the burning passion in your heart, you express your love intention. Yet you see a sign of understanding in the receiving party’s eyes while she is unable to accept your love. Then you feel it would be in vain even if you could say it. Courage will vanish thence and you are left with a feeling of shame, as if you have done an immoral thing.

In this complex society, individual thinking is convoluted. When friends are in casual chatting, it is so easy to involve doctrines and beliefs that an occasion of laughter could suddenly turn into reticence. An enthusiastic interaction is impeded by alienation. Belief is innocent, so why can’t it be honestly expressed? Freedom of belief is the foundation of all freedom. Those who dare not believe in freedom certainly cannot accomplish any deed of freedom.

All forms of alienation begin with reticence. In one perspective, reticence has been considered as gold, but it is a devil on this occasion . It destroys friendship and leads to the loss of meaning in life.